Rohan Shah (1982 - 2006)

The words in the title can be written on the gravestone of my bachelorhood, which has 3 days of life remaining. Somehow, there is no feeling of getting nervous or overexcited-ness in me as of now, despite this being my first marriage. Let me see how things change in the days to come.

My home is now pretty much stuffed with people. There is more noise inside my house then there is outside arjun singh's house at the moment. Just By the way I hate him for doing this reservation act. He should have known better than this. Now the meritorious candidates in prestigious institutes would be even less in number as the hair on arjun singh's head. He needs to apply thanda thanda cool cool navaratan tel on his head and rethink reservations. That would indeed be favorable for the student's community and his hair.

Back to my home, people are expecting me to somehow look darned smart in the function and thus I am being chucked into the men's beauty parlor every now and then. The person their subjects me to some real smelling thing he calls bleach cream and then all sorts of facial stuff and I hate him for doing this 3rd degree torture to me. By the way, due to this I realized what it feels like to my readers in reading my posts.

And then I was informed today that there is ceremony tomorrow at my place where several females from our society and castes and all have been invited to apply haldi and kesar and other such yellow stuff to me. They call it nilhane ki rasam. Now that's what I am really afraid of. Till today the exclusive rights to give rohan baby a bath were with my mom, and mausi and … okay that's it. But now a whole parliament full of ladies can claim to have given me a bath… that's disgusting yaar, seriously… And I really don't know whether I would look fairer after coming alive out of this rasam but I will sure look yellower.

I think all this ritis and riwaaz have been written by some frustrated gentlemen trying to take revenge with the present and future world spending their last time in agra's mental asylum. One of the riwaaz is that my lady-dearest's bro would pull my ears during some ceremony, So what that I have already set a deal out with him but not everybody can. .. frankly speaking I would have preferred a Christian style marriage for more than one reasons.

Well, if you really force me to point out something good about what's going on here then I would say I love the sheer spirit. There are so many people all enthu about the whole thing and willing to take responsibility of arrangements doing stuff, spending quality jolly time together. I think its really worthwhile to be a part of such masti, not at the cost of your own marriage though…

Taking a break...

Right-ho! My last day in office today and then I go back to my hometown Ujjain tonight. My Ghar-parivar has been enjoying for the past 6 years with me leaving home for engineering and then my job. Their entertainment took a rare-break only when I came back home in leaves. May be they find me as dumb and boring as you people find my blog, nevertheless I won’t spare you coz I will keep writing and I wont spare them coz I will keep going home.

You are perfectly right in thinking that I have gone nuts coz I have. Simply because I am going home after a long time. The only occasion when I have wanted more to be at home was when my class teacher was beating the hell out of me for watering the plants in the school garden with my own nitrogenous fluid.

Well, Ujjain is a holy city with a lot of temples and religious value. So to get good internet service there one has to go to a temple, pray and then offer some food to the beggars outside and wait for god to take notice of your abysmal state of disconnectivity from the rest of the world. Still I would try and be online some times but my readers can enjoy this break.

Just by the way, I would be going very close to action, come this june. I am going to Srinagar and the valleys. No to jump off, you silly. Just for a vacation. May be I can consider joining some anti-terrorist group there. All I have to do to bore them to death is make them read the stuff I have typed in this and previous posts. So my post from there should be a COOL one. Literally.

That reminds me, considering my writing abilities, I have got a surprisingly high number of visitors on to my blog. Some of them have been generous enough to comment on my posts. (I hope the money reached you guyz – 50% advance, baaki meri post padhne ke baad). I must thank all of them for being here (anusha, kobra, xpressions-and-her-son-rohan, rose, innervoice, sneha, vivekanand, shekhar, sneha, all anonymous and all whose names I am dumb enough to forget.) I promise I would never threaten you guyz again if you keep coming here and keep commenting.

Back to my trip, Come 10 june and I would be in bombay, to educate myself in NMIMS. Well may be then I would learn to write good posts. Till then enjoy the break.

My Last week in office…

These are my last days in office. No, I am not being fired. Neither is the office going shut for not sustaining profit because of me and alike who have worked (or rather not worked) here for 2 years. Just that I am leaving. Not that I could not bear my boss or vice versa (we share a better rapport than ganguly and chappel) but just because an angelic gentlemen who came to test me and some other equally bad candidates for an admission in MBA at NMIMS had favorably responded to my bribe attempts, kidnap-your-daughter / transfer-to-sukhliaa-gaav dhamakis and death threats. I don't know whether he has been fired from his job since but I hope for the better.

Nevertheless, I am through with this place, well almost. The days gone by have been pleasant for me atleast. They have not been able to get any work out of me till-date. The kind of person that I am, (SMART LAZY BUM – read this if u are clueless) I have never been too much into books and that renders me as good at technical as Inzamam is at English. Still I have derived some non-technical learning in this 2 year stint. Let me record these for my future reference :

1. DON'T CALL PIG A PIG : If you see your colleague who scores a perfect 10 in uselessness barometer and gets paid more than you then you need not let him know how strongly you feel about him being a pig. But then there are people like yours truly who cant resist kicking an empty pepsi-can lying on the street. So considering this strong desire, your best attempt to vent your emotion should sound like – "Hey mate, your workability potential shall be increasingly optimally utilized when we exchange a few notes on how scholes' work-life-balance matrix concept juxtaposed with phillips' vertical job enrichment theory result in higher employee efficiency."

2. BE GOOD AT PRESENTATIONS : I would rather prefer to be handcuffed in kaal-kothari and listen to 3 hours of non-stop ila arun songs but not give a 30 min presentation on "Increasing project planning efficiency by utilizing prima vera". But hang on mate, if you got to get that fat-as-yokozuna performance allowance, then you got to give the presentations. Its OK if the only thing you know about prima-vera is the spelling (that too in hindi), but you should seem to know a lot about it. "Confuse, if thou can't convince" is the motto.

3. SMILE : There can be circumstances when your trouser zip has kept your internals ventilated by humbly staying open with the lower part of the shirt popping out through the gap and you realize this only after giving a seminar to 100 employees OR your wife has started the morning by hitting you with all the armory available in the kitchen OR in the worst case, you have forgotten to wear a trouser -- then even in these circumstances, smile and if you can't do it naturally then force a smile.

4. SATISFY THE JOB : This is important. "Thou shalt satisfy the job before the job satisfies thee." Searching for job-satisfaction first day in office is like looking for 3 years pay in advance. Be good at what you are doing before you ask for doing what you are good at. If you do the opposite you typically realize that your skill set is null set.

And then there are some minor common-sense points which off-course everybody would take care like – "not asking your bosses sweet-sweet, kuchee-kuchee PA for a coffee despite the highest urge to do so" and "not discussing cricket while boss is discussing non-existent profit" and off course "don't keep a Sharon stone wallpaper and Pam screen saver". Pretend to be a good boy even if you are a bad man.